When people think of ADHD, they often imagine a boy bouncing off the walls, blurting out answers, and forgetting his backpack three days a week. But what about the quiet girls who stare out the window, who daydream through math class, who get labeled as spacey or shy -- and never get the help they need?
That's inattentive ADHD. And it's the reason so many women don't get diagnosed until adulthood -- when their lives are unraveling and they have no idea why.
ADHD Isn't Always Loud
There are three primary types of ADHD:
- Hyperactive-Impulsive
- Inattentive
- Combined
Most people only recognize the first one -- the classic, hyperactive kind that's easier to spot in school-aged boys. But inattentive ADHD shows up differently. Instead of outward chaos, it's an internal storm: zoning out, forgetting instructions, losing things, getting overwhelmed by seemingly simple tasks.
And for girls? That internal chaos often goes unnoticed.
The Gender Gap: Boys Get Diagnosed, Girls Get Missed
Here's a tough truth:
Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD in childhood -- and more likely to "outgrow" some symptoms with age.
Girls, on the other hand, are often missed entirely -- and their symptoms get worse as they get older.
Why?
Because girls are taught to mask.
To be polite.
To not take up space.
To sit still, smile, and figure it out quietly.
So we do. We compensate, we over-function, we people-please.
And we burn out -- slowly and silently -- until one day we just...can't.
Signs of Inattentive ADHD (Especially in Women)
If this is you, it might feel painfully familiar:
- You were always "so smart " in school but never lived up to your potential
- You space out in conversations and then panic because you have no idea what was said
- You lose your phone, keys, and train of thought constantly
- You feel overwhelmed by tasks that seem simple to others
- You have 47 tabs open -- both in your browser and your brain
- You've been called "sensitive," "scatterbrained," or "lazy" more times than you can count
- You're exhausted from masking and constantly feeling like you're behind
That's not character failure. That's ADHD -- the quiet kind.
It Doesn't Just "Get Better" With Age
For many women, ADHD becomes more disruptive over time.
Why?
Because adult life is complex. It demands more organization, more emotional regulation, more executive function. You're expected to juggle work, relationships, bills, kids, schedules -- all without dropping a ball. But if your brain already struggles with memory, planning, and focus? That juggling act becomes an Olympic event...and you never trained for it.
So instead of "outgrowing" ADHD, many women feel like they're falling apart -- without knowing why.
What You Can Do
If this post hits home, here are some gentle next steps:
1. Start With Self-Validation
You're not imagining it. You're not making excuses. You're finally seeing the invisible threads that have been tying you up for years.
2. Consider Talking to a Specialist
A psychologist, psychiatrist, or ADHD-informed provider can walk you through proper screening. Diagnosis isn't a label -- it's a key to understanding yourself.
3. Find Your Community
You are so not alone. Whether it's online spaces, support groups, or blogs like this one -- finding others who get it is life-changing.
4. Build Soft Systems
You don't need military-grade routines. You need flexible structure that works with your brain, not against it. (And it just so happens, that's what Indigo Bea is all about.)
The Words I Needed (and Maybe You Do Too)
Inattentive ADHD may be quieter, but it's not less real.
And if you're a woman who's spent her life wondering why everything feels harder for you -- I want you to know:
It's not your fault.
You're not lazy.
You've just been carrying a backpack full of bricks labeled "figure it out."
You don't have to carry them alone anymore.
-XoXoX
Bea
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